No Sense

We live in a world where everything is decided by the choices that were taken by the people before us. I am in a constant worry that when everything else’s dies, I die with them, leaving everyone suffer from the bad decisions I took. I couldn’t accept the fact that I can’t recreate my existence. I am nowhere, in a wrong time, trying to understand how vast life can be. The universe is a sacred place and I dishonor it again and again by being terrible. They say you can only be human once you learn how to exist. Maybe I am no human at all. The fact that I made no action to live without regrets concludes how much worthless I am. I need to be kind, humble, and patient. These traits are the way for me to love myself and yet I fail. I fail because I blame the people around me who made me like this. I fail because I drown into the thoughts of the past, never wanting to move on nor to accept rejection. I am shameful for those who harmed me are also harmed. I reciprocate the way they treat me. They treat me with disgust when they feel like it and they treat me with kindness only when they need me. It is a sad world. I tried and trying doesn’t change anything.
With love and for love, Yna.

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